You don't know Joe

I live in the greater Seattle area. So considering that I live in land that birthed Starbucks, Tully’s, and the once rising "SBC" (Seattle’s Best Coffee) -- before the Starbucks buyout and takeover that is-- you would think I would be able to get a decent cup of coffee or coffee-esque drink. Yet I repeatedly find myself wanting to demand a refund for the junk that they serve up to me and ram me up the wazu in charges for.

Maybe it's just me but it seems like this quality drought has only gotten worse with time. I remember at one point actually liking the drink served up to me at my local branch of the Starbucks Empire. Now the drivel I receive is only stomachable due in part to the large proportions of sugary syrups they use to cover up the huge dive in caliber of their product no doubt.

I contribute the drastic decline to two factors. One: the greediness of corporations to increase their profits by driving down cost of production with cheaper, lower class, materials. Two: the invention of these fully automatic espresso machines which grind, press, and brew all with the press of a button. No more need for the human touch to serve up your shot of espresso. However the resulting factor of both of these is far less quality control and a far cheaper grade of roast to your bean, thereby providing an inferior taste to the product.

I remember the first time I realized that Starbucks had converted to these machines. I went to take a sip of my eagerly awaited java only to be chocked by the bitter taste of what I guessed at the time to be an accidental mix up of mint flavoring. Being someone who doesn’t enjoy the taste of mint flavorings, I was ready to point out the error in my order to the barista when a friend stopped me. They informed me that they had experienced the same issue several times since the removal of the old manual machines, and that the taste I was in fact experiencing was burned espresso. Somehow the Toffee-Nut syrup in my drink was combining with this to create a strange minty essence. One that wasn’t even pleasing to my friend who took a try and confirmed that was indeed what I tasted.

My second gripe on the recent decline of espresso beverages would be the quality of training and knowledge of those actually preparing the drinks. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised to find that some of these people had received no training what so ever upon being hired. And I would be even less surprised if they had no clue what these drinks they are selling actually are. It seems all they know is pretty much any drink on the menu is a combination of espresso, milk, and foam. Besides that they can’t tell you squat about the ratios and subtitle differences between these caffeinated masterpieces. Someday I would love to walk up to one of these unskilled teenybopper know-it-alls behind the counter and ramble out “Give me a triple short half calf ristretto breve cappuccino.” Because with the way they can’t seem to distinguish between the latte I ordered and the cappuccino that is 1/3 foam that they just gave me, I’m sure I would get a lot of blank stares and baffled looks.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve now switched to unsweetened, multi shot, lattes and drip coffee. Hence the quality of the bean used has started to become far more distinguishable to myself. So one must become more discriminating in the beverage providers you choose. Although some people claim that independent suppliers are the way to go, I’ve found them to be far more unreliable than the generic chain shops you find on almost every street corner. Sometimes you can hit a winner, but sometimes you just don’t want to take a risk. (Victors in Redmond is definitely a shining star in my coffee mug. Also it seems like any place serving fare trade organic roasts can usually provide at least a decent cup of drip.) In these unadventurous cases I find you can usually fool yourself to satisfaction by doubling up your shot ratio at the chain shops and getting “high maintenance” in your order. To put it another way, you basically have train the barista in how to make your drink through the list of requests you put on it. Because sadly, although we all seem to drink it, most people just don’t know their Joe.