A Promise Made

Stephen King was on the Today Show this last week to talk about his most recent book.  It is about a man who has lost faith and starts questioning everything he believes in.  They asked him if this book represented a truth in his own life that he too was questioning faith, and asked him if death was what he feared most.  His answer resounded with the truth of my own life.  He is not afraid of death.  His writings were just musings.  In reality he has no fear of death.  No, his greatest fear is not death.  It is Alzheimer's.  The fear that this sickness might steal his last years.

As a woman of deep faith, with a family history of generation after generation of my matriarchs having their last years stolen from them by this disease, Stephen Kings fears resonate within me.  Death I do not fear.  It is something I will gladly welcome.  Death will not be an end.  But Alzheimer's... that will be an end.  A prison to my last days that will steal all that the time before has given me. 

Tonight I sat with my mother as I have most Wednesday's for the last several years.  I think it is four years now we have had this tradition.  We go wine tasting together.  This last winter, almost a year now, my father retired and he now goes with us.  I so looked forward to when he would retire and be able to finally join us in this tradition.  It's odd that now I can't remember him not being there.  We spent 3 years in this tradition with him only rarely being there, but already he is a key to these nights that I can't separate him from the memory.   

If anyone has reason to fear the fate of this identity stealer, it would be my mother.  She is one generation closer to this horror of a genetic prison, and one generation potentially removed from a cure.  At least for me there is more time.  My mother still has time, and God willing will never know the reality her mother currently is in.  But still there are no guarantees as time marches on. 

She turned to me tonight and said "if I ever get Alzheimer's and am in a nursing home, promise me you will bring me good wine."  I laughed and said I promise you I will, and I will drink it with you.  We made light of the conversation, with my Dad joking her response would not excitement over the company, but concern over others stealing what she perceived as the good wine out of her cellar.  The confusion does sound a little too real.  But tonight we'll have a good laugh.  And tonight I'll make a promise to myself that if this conversation ever becomes more than a light musing, I will follow through with my promise made.  The location may change, but Wednesdays will always be our tradition. 

How Guys Make Girls Crazy

I can't take credit for this because I didn't say it, but I once heard it said "It's not that girls are naturally crazy.  It's guys acting stupid that makes girls crazy."

So with Valentines day fast approaching, here are a few examples straight out of the crazy love birds around me of what NOT to do if you want your girlfriend to remain sane:

• Don't talk about getting married and then later act like she's come up with this "assumption" you might be headed that direction all on her own.
• If you say you want to buy tickets to the Justin Timberlake concert next time he's in town, are you really going to get pissed at me for assuming you like his music?  
• If you say you are going to take a vacation to Hawaii in the future, are you really going to get pissed when I later suggest a restaurant to check out if you do go? 
• These examples aren't perfect, but they show the same concept- if you express a feeling/emotion/desire people are going to assuming what you said was true.  Unless you are a pathological liar.  Are you?  If so we have a whole new problem. 
• Don't talk about a timeline of when you will get married (next fall, next spring, in a year) and then get mad at her for "pressuring you" when that time starts approaching and she asks if that is still your plan. 
• #1- You're the one who set the time, she's just trying to manage her expectations.
• #2- If you respect her AT ALL then you should respect her time and not jerk her around.  It's not about planning YOUR life singular, it's about planning YOUR life PLURAL.  If you can't even take her time into consideration yet, then you're not ready to be talking about getting married and you need to give her a little respect and let her know. 
• #3- Realize that a reasonable timeline for planning a wedding is a MINIMUM of 6 months.  So if you haven't proposed and you're within 6 months, you're going to drive your girlfriend crazy.  And no, this isn't girls being unreasonable, this is girls being realistic because they know something you haven't taken the time to understand. Which is: The # of Engaged Couples wishing to get married in X Month is greater than the # of Wedding Venues in most major cities.  Which means they book up YEARS in advance in some cases.  Plus planning weddings are stressful.  So if your girl knows your planning to get married 6 months from now and you haven't proposed, she knows that isn't going to happen unless you have a family member you want to get married to in their back yard with a pock luck reception.  Maybe your idea of a great wedding, but it is hers?  So stop being pissed, and start telling the truth: you're not ready yet.  If you think you're saving your or her feelings- you're not.  If she hasn't caught on yet, she will soon.  And then she'll just be mad at you for not being honest. 
• Don't take her ring engagement shopping and then tell her you're not sure you want to marry her. 
• You're not looking to buy a car or a house here.  This isn't go out, take a look, and then decide later if you want to go through with it.  Don't go looking until you know you are buying.
• The ring is a symbol of commitment.  So don't buy until the feelings of commitment are there, because that is the message you are sending. 
• You may be buying a ring with money, but the moment you even suggest ring shopping- you've just cashed an emotional check you can't return. 

In defense of Phil Robertson

If A&E had a problem with Phil Robertson's views on homosexuality they should have never put him on the air to begin with.  Anyone who has watched the show, read his biography, or even been watching the news in the last few years should have had no surprise over his views on homosexuality.  So I find it hard to believe that anyone at A&E was in any way caught off guard by these remarks.  They knew what they had signed up for. 

So why is it that after he speaks these blatantly obvious views in a magazine interview that they suspend his show and the internet is set ablaze?  Are we all idiots or do we just love a good crucible?  And tell me, how is all of this any different than what people are accusing him of?  He is accused of being intolerant, yet isn't that exactly what is being flung his way? 

We have a serious problem in this country.  Far too many people have forgotten what the word tolerance means.  If you need a refresher, here is how Merriam-Webster.com defines it: "Tolerance: willingness to accept feelings, habits, or beliefs that are different from your own".  Tolerance is not denying what you believe.  It is accepting others rights to believe as they will even when it is different from your own. 

Now you can say that Mr. Robertson brought this on himself by saying his beliefs publically, but asserting that he must deny his beliefs and lie about them when asked point blank what they are is again the opposite of tolerance.  And it leads me to wonder why it is that people are so threatened by someone publically stating an opinion that again- has always been common knowledge.  The only thing that A&E accomplished by their actions was to publically proclaim that they are a company afraid even the slightest negative PR.  So much so that they would deny the rights of one of their biggest stars in the sake of keeping a loud fraction of the public happy. 

Our forefathers founded this country not only on the principles that all men are created equal and have the right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness, but on the freedom for all to believe as they chose.  Your right to pursue happiness in which ever way you morally deem acceptable is the same right that allows others to pursue their path to happiness based on what they deem morally acceptable.  And the difference of morale opinion is the exact reason that they included the necessity of the separation of church and state.  Church not meaning "the church" but beliefs off kinds, be that an official religion or your own personal beliefs you run your life by. 

Now if Mr. Robertson had been using his TV show to intentionally broadcast anti-homosexual propaganda that people were tricked into viewing I could see there being a huge uproar.  Or if he had been intentionally trying to deny the basic rights of others through his forced actions, I could see an uproar over that.  But this isn't the issue that has sparked this blaze.  The issue was an interview, given on request to a magazine because the guy has gotten wildly famous due to his families documentary style TV show (although I understand the situations and events of the show is definitely a staged mocumentary, the reality of these people and their personalities is not staged).  He is famous for being who he is.  And who he is is a deeply religious man, so naturally that comes out in the show and people get curious about his faith and want to ask questions.  Those answers won't be exactly to everyone's liking because we are not all the same, and the wonderful thing about this country is we don't have to be.  The other wonderful thing about this country is that if we don't like what he has to say, we are also free to turn the channel or not by the magazine.

Let us never forget- the right to freedom that allows us our views is the same right that allows others their view regardless how opposing it is to our own.  We cannot take away their right without at the same time destroying our own. 

The eternal struggle of the dishwasher.

Life Lesson to my younger peeps:

You can either a) have someone else load the dishwasher or b) load it yourself and have it "your way" (aka "the right way").  There is no option c.  Learn this lesson now and save yourself years of needless arguments and frustration. 

In the end does it really matter?  If a dishwasher is loaded "wrong" in Virginia and you're not there to see it, was it still loaded wrong? 

Most importantly, never forget: having to compromise on this does not mean you don't have to say thank you.  You ALWAYS have to say thank you even if you thought it could have been done better. 

(PS- even when you're loading dishes it's still being done wrong according to someone.) 

My Kryptonite‏

Today I got a text from you. I was in a meeting. My phone buzzed and I glanced down expecting to see my mother or friends name on the screen. But it was yours. I couldn't hide the smirk that involuntarily spread across my face. I could sense my demeanor had changed. I lifted my hand and cocked my head hoping others wouldn't notice, but by the glances of those across the table I knew they could sense something. Was I blushing? And I didn't even know what you said. All I knew was you were the reason my phone had just come to life.

When I am near you my heart skips a beat.  When you happen to touch me I can feel you on my skin long after you are gone.  Although I catch my breath if we touch I can't help myself from going stiff and pulling away.  My heart is hard and my walls are high.  But when I am with you I wish I could bring them down and be clay.  You make me feel as though I were a young stupid girl again.  I want to hope when I am with you.

When I pray I pray for a man like you.  I know you are not perfect, but your devotion is admirable.  To be with another I know I would have to give things up and leave myself vulnerable to influences that would change me and lead my focus.  With you though I am not afraid of what I would have to give up.  I trust you.  I know that you would keep my focus deeper into where it belongs.  I've known you for years and I can see from experience the things I would have to give up are only the things I want to let go of anyway, but hold onto in fear and lethargy. 

Yet despite all this I don't trust you enough to not break my heart.  I will never tell you any of this.  My fear of rejection is too great.  It runs my life.  I am defeated by a message of undesirability thrown at me by our culture.  I will never fit their mold.  One word from you would erase all of these fears.  And one word of rejection from you on this matter would deplete my last reserves of self confidence I cling to and lean on to wake up each morning and face life.  And so the walls will stay up.  In the sake of self preservation I will never take the risk. 

To My Beloved Departed

Because he had faith, we know his sorrow is at an end.
Because he had faith, we weep not for his loss, but our own.
Because he had faith, we know this is not goodbye, but until then.
Because we have faith, we know this is not an end.

The Dork That Lies Inside

Thought for the day....

A friend of mine posted on Facebook that they had a meeting with their company's President today and the anticipation of it made them incredibly nervous.  Which brings to mind all the times I've heard people saying how nervous they were even to simply be in the presence of company big wigs.  Not just at times something is expected of them, but even if they casually pass them in the hall.

I get being a little nervous at disappointing these people in a meeting presentation or on a project.  After all if you mess up, they do have the potential to submarine your career or fire you.  However the same is true of your immediate boss as well. 

What I don't get is being nervous at casual run ins with these people, or being asked to sit in on a meeting but with no responsibility to the content from yourself.  After all... they are just people like you and I. 

I guess the reason this maybe doesn't bother me like it does some is that I grew up with a father who was in a pretty decent position at his company.  I still remember when I was in Junior High school my mother telling me my Dad had just found out he was being promoted to Vice President.  The youngest person in his company's history to receive that title too.  And I was in High school when he was promoted to National Director of Water Programs.  At present I have no idea what his current title is but he is head of 1/3 of the company, and it's a very big sized company for his field.  I'm pretty proud of him.

When my brother was in high school and college he got a summer job working at my dad's company.  He was just a part time worker who helped to file documents.  So he was around a lot of people who were lower level and newer to their career.  By this point my dad was technically located in their corporate headquarters which is in another state, but he commuted home every weekend.  One day my brother came home laughing and telling stories of how everyone had been so high strung at work that day because one of the head guys was coming to town.  Everyone was on pins and needles and making sure the offices were in order and people were on their best behavior.  The head guy everyone was referring to was my father. 

To us kids this was the strangest thing to imagine.  People were nervous because of dad?  Sure my dad had his serious side.  Sure he is someone we care for and don't want to disappoint... but never someone we could see causing any panic or worry over.  Intimidating?  This man who used to go to Costco in gym shorts, knee high socks, sandals, and old t-shirts with holes in them.  (I'm pretty sure he intentionally dressed like this to torture us by the association in having to walk around with him.) Who occasionally used pretty patterned dish towels to cover his bald head when laying in the sun to take a nap.  Who constantly forgets the words to songs but insists on singing as loud as he can anyway what ever he thinks the words might be... no matter how ridiculous it is.  The man who didn't notice for several days when my mother changed up the decorations in the living room.  The list of silly and embarrassing details goes on. 

My point being, next time you see that executive in the hallway, just remember this:  Chances are somewhere out there is a child who thinks they are a total softy and a massive dork.