So with Valentines day fast approaching, here are a few examples straight out of the crazy love birds around me of what NOT to do if you want your girlfriend to remain sane:
- Don't talk about getting married and then later act like she's come up with this "assumption" you might be headed that direction all on her own.
- If you say you want to buy tickets to the Justin Timberlake concert next time he's in town, are you really going to get pissed at me for assuming you like his music?
- If you say you are going to take a vacation to Hawaii in the future, are you really going to get pissed when I later suggest a restaurant to check out if you do go?
- These examples aren't perfect, but they show the same concept- if you express a feeling/emotion/desire people are going to assuming what you said was true. Unless you are a pathological liar. Are you? If so we have a whole new problem.
- Don't talk about a timeline of when you will get married (next fall, next spring, in a year) and then get mad at her for "pressuring you" when that time starts approaching and she asks if that is still your plan.
- #1- You're the one who set the time, she's just trying to manage her expectations.
- #2- If you respect her AT ALL then you should respect her time and not jerk her around. It's not about planning YOUR life singular, it's about planning YOUR life PLURAL. If you can't even take her time into consideration yet, then you're not ready to be talking about getting married and you need to give her a little respect and let her know.
- #3- Realize that a reasonable timeline for planning a wedding is a MINIMUM of 6 months. So if you haven't proposed and you're within 6 months, you're going to drive your girlfriend crazy. And no, this isn't girls being unreasonable, this is girls being realistic because they know something you haven't taken the time to understand. Which is: The # of Engaged Couples wishing to get married in X Month is greater than the # of Wedding Venues in most major cities. Which means they book up YEARS in advance in some cases. Plus planning weddings are stressful. So if your girl knows your planning to get married 6 months from now and you haven't proposed, she knows that isn't going to happen unless you have a family member you want to get married to in their back yard with a pock luck reception. Maybe your idea of a great wedding, but it is hers? So stop being pissed, and start telling the truth: you're not ready yet. If you think you're saving your or her feelings- you're not. If she hasn't caught on yet, she will soon. And then she'll just be mad at you for not being honest.
- Don't take her ring engagement shopping and then tell her you're not sure you want to marry her.
- You're not looking to buy a car or a house here. This isn't go out, take a look, and then decide later if you want to go through with it. Don't go looking until you know you are buying.
- The ring is a symbol of commitment. So don't buy until the feelings of commitment are there, because that is the message you are sending.
- You may be buying a ring with money, but the moment you even suggest ring shopping- you've just cashed an emotional check you can't return.
